Legends
by Squash loves Butternut
Summary: In which Vampire!Dave gets a YouTube account per his Bro's instructions, and documents his struggles with a certain human named John Egbert and his troubled heart. Rated M for cursing and perhaps a little adult theme later on.


_**Author's note;** This is my first fanfiction ever and I pretty much have no plans for it. As for the POV, I'm hoping to switch it from crappy third-person to a but more of the camera's view. I doubt many people will read it, though, so, uh, yeah. Feel free to give feedback, negative or positive. I don't much care. Anything is better than nothing at this point. uwu_

With a rather large, halfhearted sigh, a blonde haired boy strode into a dark, messy room. He tilted his head to either side, multiple pops and snaps rewarding his ears. After another moment, he reached up to the poster covered walls, smoothly flicking the lights on. He squinted up at the fluorescents through his heavily tinted shades, running his tongue over his teeth in an attempt to distract himself. It was about time to go eat, as he had been avoiding doing so all day.

Sighing once more, the blonde walked over to his desk and sat down, snatching a camera off of the surface. He swiftly propped it up on the tripod standing on top of the desk, tightening a few screws to hold it in place. Without removing his shades, he popped out the viewfinder, pressing the button on the top to start the video.

"Sup. Name's Strider. Dave Strider. Kind of cliche to put your last name first when introducing yourself, but hell, you've gotta admit it's ironic as fuck. Well, maybe not, but that's not the point. The point is I'm here, and you're there, and I have no idea what's going on. You probably don't, either. Fuck, why is Bro making me do this? Ugh, okay, let's start from the beginning.

"My name is Dave Strider, as previously stated, and I'm a vampire. No, not the kind that sparkle and talk in that low, sultry voice, but the kind that blend in at school and have normal lives. Credit to Stephanie Meyer for making them so popular, though; they're hard as fuck to find and really don't like people. She did a really good job at describing them, for as much shit as she's getting for it. Not that I would know anything about that.

"Dave Strider is way too cool to read crappy romance novels, and that's that." The boy paused a moment, a smirk creeping up onto his face.

"Either way, back to the point. You're probably wondering what kind of vampire I am, exactly, if not the sparkly kind. Well, I'm one of the more common ones. We don't really have a specific name for ourselves, so I'll just settle with a description.

"Contrary to popular belief, us vampires do age. Very slowly, yes, but we do age. One year to our bodies is probably about a thousand or so to humans, but who's counting, right? And no, we aren't invincible. We can get killed in just about every way that a human can, even if it takes a lot more to rid one of us. Aside from blood poisoning and stuff like that. If we drink poisoned blood, we're pretty much dead within minutes.

"That brings us to our next point; what we drink. We don't need human blood, per say, though we do prefer it. It tastes better and stuff. More vitamins or whatever. Like I know shit like that. Besides, I'm not dirty drinker. That's what us vampires call the ones that drink human blood. It's not really meant to be degrading, but it kinda became that way after a while. Humans are our friends at the moment; or, at least, aren't trying to kill us. We tend to return the favor.

"Oh, right, back to what the majority of us drink. Like you've probably guessed by now, it's animal blood. We really don't need a lot of it. Maybe one deer-sized animal a week? We have food banks, though, so we don't have to hunt on our own. The humans help to supply us, giving us the remains of whatever they kill to put in supermarkets and whatever. It's pretty sweet, if you ask me. And yes, we can still eat human food. It tastes just the same as it does for humans and shit, but we don't get the same satisfaction out of it. Not to mention that it has literally none of the nutrients or whatever the fuck it is that we need.

"Now; to our 'powers'. Aside from an ungodly long lifespan, we are, of course, stronger than humans. We are also a bit quicker, but not insanely fast. It's a bit faster than flash-stepping, if any of you humans are familiar with that. None of us need sleep, really, though we still can, per the want arise. We can heal really fast, and uh... this probably isn't considered a power, but no, we don't burn in sunlight. It doesn't even affect us, really. It's just a myth that you people conjured up to explain why we didn't come out in the day when you were still hunting us.

"As for actually becoming a vampire, it's actually a bit difficult. To be turned into one, you, of course, have to be bitten. Only some of us have the venom necessary, though, which really sucks. And, those of us that do have it, can run out. One of the higher bloods can turn up to five others on average, neutral bloods one or two, the lowest bloods not being able to turn any.

"Your blood quality is based on multiple things at the time of being turned, some of which include your social status as a human, your birth linage, who turned you, and how important your death was. Oh, fuck, I forgot that part. You have to have an honorable death to be turned, and you have to be _dying_ when you're turned. The more honorable - say, you died stopping a nuclear explosion versus falling out of a tree to save an old lady's cat - the higher your blood quality in the second life. That's the only really major deciding factor, but it's definitely a bonus to have a highblood turn you.

"I think that's about it, actually. If I'm forgetting anything, feel free to let me know. Not that I'd probably answer you, as I'll be busy trying to correct the problem that is my life at the moment. That reminds me why I'm actually telling you all this. I'll let you know this much; it has to do with a certain human by the name of John. John Egbert, to be exact. But we'll get to him in a bit; right now it's time to grab a bite to eat."

He gave another quick smirk, reaching up to turn the camera off. He loosened the screws again and set the camera back in it's spot, slightly satisfied with his first video. He knew he should probably upload it before heading out, but he decided against it. Quickly standing up, he made his way through his cluttered room to the door, flicking the light off and exiting.

_**Author's note;** I stg there will actually be something interesting next chapter. This was pretty much just me trying to get all my mental ducks in a row for what exactly these vampires were going to be. And, though it's not very clear at the moment, there are _many_ different kinds of vampires. Some good, some bad, some sparkly, etc etc._


End file.
